Communication
Course Notes Table of Contents
- Communication
- Culture
- Decisions
- Diversity
- Globalization
- HR Management
- Leadership
- Motivation
- Strategy
- Teams
Learning Objectives
- Graph the process of interpersonal communication and describe the function of “noise” and the different types of noise which can occur
- Describe how people feel when they are the victims of poor listening
- Describe effective listening attitudes
- Define “tact,” “respect,” and “dialogue,” and be prepared to provide examples of each in written communication
- Define “flaming,” “stalking,” and cyber-bulling, and describe what is and is not considered appropriate e-mail etiquette
- Define acquiescence, assertion, and aggression, and indicate which one of these communication styles is the most functional in an individualistic culture.
- Describe the difference between a passive/aggressive and a confrontational communication style.
- Describe client, serial, gang, and corporate bullying, and what type of individuals bullies are most likely to target
- List the symptoms of emotional abuse, and describe ways in which this can occur at work
- Define “colloquialism,” and give examples of some Southern expressions that fit with this description
- List some phrases that can be confusing to a foreigner and why, and define ways in which you can be a more effective intercultural communicator
Exercise
Barnabus is giving a talk to his fellow classmates. He looks out onto the sea of pasty, disinterested faces, reeling from the lack of interest which he perceives.
List the following:
- ways that audience members can convey disinterest
- ways that one can improve his/her listening skills
The Interpersonal Process of Communication
Source: Management, Robbins & Coulter, 2005, p. 258, Pearson/Prentice Hall
“Noise” is most often caused by poor listening skills. These include:
- Allowing your mind to wander
- Disinterested body language
- Apathetic facial expression
- Failure to ask questions
Most of what we express to other people is done through our body language. Experts have estimated that:
- 7% of communication lies in content
- 38% lies in paralanguage
- 55% is in body language
What do these gestures mean?
- Head tiled to one side
- Scratching the head
- Lip biting
- Rubbing the back of the neck
- Head nodding
- Narrowing the eyes
- Picking imaginary lint off your clothing
Distractions
- Personal hygiene
- Cell phones
- Food
- Failure to ask questions
- The 'zombie'
- Personal debris syndrome
- Fidgeting
- Walking in front of the speaker
- Unbroken eye contact
Barriers to Effective Communication
- Throwing in the kitchen sink
- "You statements"
- Leading the witness
- Mindraping
- Soundblasting
- Mocking
- Officious, fastidious, obnoxious behavior
- Jargon http://www.uncp.edu/home/canada/work/allam/1914-/language/jargon.htm
- Objectification
- Interrupting
- Filtering
When you are a poor listener, people feel:
- Devalued
- Unimportant
- Unappreciated
- Unloved
- Misunderstood
- Not cared for
- Dismissed
Source: Children of the Self-Absorbed, Nina W. Brown, New Harbinger Publications, Inc., 2001
Effective listening
Read the following passage and answer the following questions, first by yourself, and then with a group of four people: Rate the following statements as "Fact" or "Inference."
Robert Smith, a department manager, called to an employee who was coming through the door twelve minutes after starting time. Smith asked the employee to come into his office. "I am pleased you were able to make it in today despite the transportation problems. My main concern is your lateness and absences. Our company has specific rules here which say that any employee must call in if he or she expects to be more than ten minutes late. I always take some corrective steps when an employee is late more than three time in one month."
"I realize that getting your two children to school often makes it difficult for you to come in on time, but I still must ask you to do something to avoid this situation. Please remember that the rules do provide for a written warning and then suspension before dismissal. I have no choice but to follow the rules and hope this meeting will be the last one we will need on this subject. The real control is in your hands."
Statements about the Story:
1. The employee is a woman | F I | F I |
2. The employee's manager is Robert Smith | F I | F I |
3. The employee in the story was late that day. | F I | F I |
4. The employee was delayed by traffic that day. | F I | F I |
5. The rules of the company call for a warning after three or more latenesses in one month. | F I | F I |
6. The employee in the story has two children. | F I | F I |
7. The employee sometimes takes the children to school in the morning. | F I | F I |
8. The rules provide for a written warning before suspension. | F I | F I |
9. The rules state that an employee must call in when he/she will be more than 10 minutes late. | F I | F I |
10. This is the last warning that an employee will receive before suspension. | F I | F I |
Source: LuBen Associates, reprinted with permission
Exercise
Think about one of the most common conflicts you have with your current roommate, or have had in the past with a former roommate. How did you handle the conflict?
Imagine the following dialogue between you and your roommate:
You | Every time I come into the room, your stuff is all over the place. In fact, last night I tripped over your MP3 player and bruised my knee. It seems like I am the one who is always cleaning up this room. I’m sick of it. |
Your roommate | I get the feeling you’ve been put out for a while…go ahead dude. |
You | When we moved in, we had an agreement that we would take turns cleaning the dorm room. Ever since you started dating Franchesca, you’re in your own little messy world. The problem is that you’ve dragged me into it. |
Your roommate | Dude, I’m clued in. It seems like you’re fed up and you want me to do my fair share of the work. |
Your roommate conveyed the following effective listening attitudes:
Responsibility: “I don’t have the power to change others, only myself.”
Non-judgment: “Refraining from judging others will assist me in listening to them effectively.”
Equality vs. arrogance: “I allow others to be on an equal level with myself.”
Non-defensiveness: blame and self-righteousness have no place in collaborative communication
Collaboration: the process in which individuals work with one another.
Research shows that the average person on the job spends 40 percent of his time listening, 35 percent talking, 16 percent reading and 9 percent writing. On average, people only are about 35 percent efficient listeners.
- [Good listeners] listen with understanding and respect.
- [Good listeners] step outside themselves to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Good listeners do not judge or blame the other person.
- Good listeners try to get to the root of the problem without becoming emotionally explosive.
Source: HRMagazine, November 2001
In addition,
- [Good listeners] paraphrase
- [Good listeners] don't over-talk
- Integrate what was said
- Exhibit affirmative heads nods and appropriate facial expressions
Adapted from Management, Robbins & Coulter, 2005
Your roommate attempts to apologize for his/her inappropriate behavior in the above
scenario.
Your roommate | Dude, I'm sorry. |
You | Well, you should be! I've had to wallow in filth for the past semester. I should have changed roommates a long time ago. |
What's wrong with the above exchange?
Behavioral graciousness suggests that apologies should be accepted in a humble fashion,
with an acknowledgement (if appropriate) of wrong doing on behalf of the "wronged"
party.
Good listeners’ first priority is not to defend themselves or to score points by putting others down, but to resolve the conflict in a way that preserves the relationship.
Explication of the word "dude:"
http://www.folkdude.com/DudeNews.html
Tact
I found the quote below in Dale Carnegie's book, "How to Win Friends and Influence and People." It concerns tact, "the art of stepping on someone's shoes without ruining their shine."
"Benjamin Franklin, tactless in his youth, became so diplomatic, so adroit at handling
people, that he was made American Ambassador to France. The secret of his success?
“I will speak ill of no man,” he said, “… and speak all the good I know of everybody.”
Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain – and most fools do. But it takes character
and self-control to be understanding and forgiving. A great man shows his greatness,”
said Carlyle, “by the way he treats little men.”
Instead of condemning someone, let’s try to understand them. Let’s try to figure out
why they do what they do. That’s a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism;
and it breeds sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.”
Tact is a form of conversational graciousness. Issues are stated in a way to invite dialogue, or conversational reciprocity. Dialogue is speech in a respectful fashion.
Exercise
Rephrase the following e-mail from student to instructor in a more tactful manner:
"Jackie,
My grade is not posted - you said it would be posted by Monday. Am I to assume you will post this today?
Beevis"
Phone Etiquette
Everyone's personality is just as identifiable on the phone as it is in person, you just need to know what to look for.
RELATORS "How are you?" or "I'm glad to hear from you again," are typical Steady Relater greetings.
Like those telephone company TV commercials, their warmth can seem to transcend the
limitations of the phone lines. Although they prefer more personal interactions with
people, they will also settle for indirect contact -- especially if the person is
pleasant and non-threatening. They project this people orientation by phone and like
to build a personal, first-name relationship with callers. Even if they do not know
you, they may say, "You don't have to be formal. Just call me Alice." They may project
a desire to know you personally or provide you with good service. |
SOCIALIZERS "What's up?" or "What's happening?" are usual Interacting Socializer opening lines.
They are sometimes so animated that their gestures can be transmitted via the phone
lines. How? By their varied, emotional vocal inflections/intonations and their colorful
choice of words that may tend toward exaggeration. "Really? That's fantastic!" or,
"You have to be kidding me!" The telephone can be a favorite toy that enables them
to both prolong conversations and recharge themselves, especially when no one else
is physically around. "I just called because I'm bored." You may also detect background
noise when you speak to individuals of this type. They sometimes put on the TV or
radio just for the sound, visual stimulation, and activity. |
THINKERS "Good afternoon, Mr. Lomis. This is Jonathan Williams. You asked me to call back
Monday morning." Formal greetings are one tip-off that you may be dealing with a Cautious
Thinker. Time-conscious individuals of this type often get to a task just when they
say they will. Monday morning it is! |
DIRECTORS When speaking on the phone to a Dominant Director, treat her the same way as in a
person-to-person contact. Think of the ABC's: Keep it abridged, brief, and concise.
Prepare your delivery with the bottom line in mind: "The trend in your industry is
toward computer-generated graphics. The research we have conducted with other typesetters
in your area indicates increased profits of 20 to 30% over two years. I'd like to
meet with you for 10 minutes to show you the numbers and see if this concept interests
you." |
Source: Tony Alessandra, execdirector@profnet.org
Netiquette
- Think of your comments as printed in a newspaper
- Do not use all caps
- Always include a subject line. E-mails are electronic letters; as such, they should contain a salutation, a body, and a closing.
- Don't try to contradict or refute a person's ideas too quickly
- Put aside your own views when responding to others
- Expect the participant's language to be different from your own
- Avoid negative feedback
"Comments should be polite, understated, and use positive language. Online we are very sensitive. We will get your point. Using bold, frank, overstated language conveys an emotional aggressiveness that hinders your message. Online, be polite. Understate rather than overstate your point. Use positive language. Your ideas will get better reception."
From Draves, "Teaching Online," 2002
Don't Touch that Send Button: tips on e-mail dos and don'ts
Individuals using e-mail as opposed to conversation are much more likely to see a rapid escalation in conflict between the parties. This is why some companies have prohibited e-mail…because it severs relational bonds. Because e-mail does not have the verbal clues and richness of face-to-face conversation, conflicts can snowball. E-mail was intended for bulk communication of a routine nature, and not to communicate personal or sensitive issues.
Scenario: Read the following e-mail messages and suggest what is wrong with them:
First Scenario | TEAM, WE ARE MEETING AT 9:00 O’CLOCK THIS MORNING. THE BOSS |
Second Scenario | When is the homework assignment due? Mary |
Third Scenario | The assignment would be easier if you would bother to give better instructions. Catch a clue. |
- Flaming: sending or posting messages that are deliberately hostile or insulting (wikipedia.org)
- Stalking: Sending repeats of the same e-mail, or sending an inordinate number of e-mails within a short period of time
Again, email was intended to automate the communication of routine information. It is not a medium to send offensive messages that people are too cowardly to express in person.
Remember: E-mail is a tool, not a weapon
Blogging:
http://www.cnn.com/2005/US/Careers/04/05/blogging/index.html
Cyberbullying
Types of Self-Expression
Acquiescence | Assertion | Aggression |
(passive aggressive) | (confrontational) |
Assertion: “I” statement to promote collaborative problem solving
|
Some people may not like three-legged races. |
|
I don’t like three-legged races; I think they are childish. |
Acquiescence: Expression of needs in a non-existent, or mealy-mouthed manner
Aggression: Bullying, and combined with an aggressive, dominating, confrontational style.
How do bullies select targets?
- Being good at one’s job
- Being popular with people
- Standing up for a colleague who is bullied
- Being honest and having integrity
- Gaining recognition for achievements
Client bullying: employees bullied by those they serve, nurses bullied by patients, teachers bullied by students
Serial Bullying: phenomenon in which one person after another is picked on and destroyed
Gang Bullying: phenomenon in which half of the people are happy for the opportunity to behave badly; those and the ones who remain silent and gain power, control, and protection from the serial bully
Corporate Bullying:
Phenomenon in which individuals are:
- Constantly criticized
- Ridiculed, dismissed, ignored despite high achievement
- Belittled, demeaned, and degraded
- Teased to embarrass and humiliate
- Subjected to unpleasant memos, emails with no verbal communication immediately, particularly prior to weekends
Source:
Emotional Abuse
- Domination
- Verbal Assaults
- Abusive Expectations
- Emotional Blackmail
- Unpredictable responses
- Gas-lighting
- Constant Chaos
Possible Consequences:
- Depression
- Hypervigilence
- Post-traumatic stress disorder
- Cognitive disruption
- Obsession
- Physical side effects
Cross-cultural Communication
Language barriers can exist in our very own language, due to slang, colloquialisms,
and regional phrases. Examples of Speaking Southern…
http://littlerock.about.com/cs/southernlife/a/aasouthslang_2.htm
Note that assertion is a Western, individualistic value: [remember the example about
wind-blowing]
Foreign faux pas:
http://www.kwintessential.co.uk/cultural-services/articles/crosscultural-blunders.html
Phrases that may cause confusion to a foreigner:
“It made me as nervous as a cat in a room full of rockers”
“You rock”
"Kicked butt"
“He/she’s long in the tooth”
“Hanging”
“Toting”
Exercise
Write three phrases that are particular to Tennessee. If you are from the North, write three phrases that you think are particular to your area.
Cross Cultural Communication Web sites:
http://tecfa.unige.ch/tecfa/research/cscps/Papers/Aaai96m3ws/node2.html#SECTION
http://www.travlang.com
Below are some websites of non-verbal communication gestures:
A world of gestures
Examples of non-verbal communication
Nodding the head up and down: In Bulgaria means ‘No”
Gesturing by forming an A-OK sign with your thumb and fore-finger: In Brazil, Singapore, Russia, and Paraguay this is vulgar
Pointing to yourself: In Germany or Switzerland it insults the other person
Source: Irwin/McGraw Hill, 1999
The meaning of gestures around the world; Gestures around the world
The Jargon of Politically Correct Terms
What do the following phrases mean?
- Physically challenged
- Educational equity
- Undocumented workers
- Monocultural
- Senior
- Vertically challenged
- Indigenous people
- Differentially sized people
- Visually impaired
Source: Robbins, Organizational Behavior, 1993
Jargon: language that is peculiar to a specific group of people, that is unintelligible by the majority.
What do the following words mean?
- Aquadextrous
- Carperpetuation
- Disconfect
- Elbonics
- Frust
- Lactomangulation
- Peppier
- Phonesia
- Pupkus
- Telecrastination
Tying it all Together…
Consider the Chain, Wheel, and All Channel networks. Which communication network is a team more likely to use? Which communication network is a bureaucracy more likely to use?
Source: Management, Robbins & Coulter, 2005, p. 268
In which organization type will you see the most active grapevine and rumor mill?
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